If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
