420 ftw
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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