also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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