Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
