my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
