Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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