real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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