her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
