I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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