I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
