i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
