tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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