She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
