Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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