You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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