So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
