shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
