just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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