If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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