the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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