saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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