the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
