So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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