tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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