if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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