Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize