Apparently you make a good broom.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
