the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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