I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
