Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
