shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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