turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
