Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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