I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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