It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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