I accidentally burped into my bong.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
