dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
