Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
