Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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