He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize