SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
