I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
