He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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