We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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