it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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