So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
