$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
