shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
