my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Randomize
