is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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