oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
