Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
