so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
handjob tips. give me some.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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