I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize