biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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