Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
