GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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