Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
