I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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