a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
