Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
