I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
