Will you blow on my dice?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
