Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
