i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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