id be glad to
I cockslap morals
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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