whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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