end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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