bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
