none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
