The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
