So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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