You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
