I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
