Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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