Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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