My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
