tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He has the fingertips of a God
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
