yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
