She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
