I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
