i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
