what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
