so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
