Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
